How I Got Back On My Feet After My Ex Cheated On Me Twice
*Names have been changed to protect identities*
Online dating apps have changed the way millennials meet new people. Tinder is notoriously known as the perfect place to find a hookup partner, though people have found real love on the app too. For most of my female friends, using dating apps is to merely keep boredom at bay but for me, Tinder was a possibility in finding my one true love.
It only required a swipe either to the left or right, an innocuous way to say the least. No one, in particular, stood out for me to swipe right. It all seemed futile until I saw James*. Tinder only allows the probability of having a conversation if both individuals "match" each other.
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For me, the start was marvellous. From the moment James* swiped right on me, the conversations flowed effortlessly. Have you ever felt like you're finally ready to break down your walls and let someone in, just because they saw you for you? James* saw me beyond the illusion of a "perfect" partner, allowing me to completely immerse myself, unconditionally. The infatuation grew the more we spent time together. The fact that I met someone that makes me feel complete was so surreal.
But as the saying goes, nothing lasts forever. I started to notice that he became distant and the connection we shared previously was dwindling. I saw the obvious cheating signs but deliberately chose to ignore even though I knew something was amiss. He would constantly smile at his phone and his attention was devoted to something else or as I came to find out, someone else.
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When everything came crashing down on me
After a while, I found that my boyfriend had been seeing someone else, a girl called Faith*, who was apparently his colleague. James* had not only lied to me but initially told Faith* that he was single and wanted to start something serious. The fact that a person I trusted completely could lie to my face without remorse, disgusted me. Once the illusion of a perfect relationship was shattered, I knew I had to leave.
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Months had passed by and I tried to slowly rebuild the broken pieces. I then received a text from James* apologising for his past actions and he said that he was determined to make things right again. It's true that people make mistakes and turn over a new leaf right? Call me naive but I decided to forgive him only to be utterly disappointed once again when I found out he cheated a second time. This time, it destroyed every ounce of confidence I had in me.
The turning point
I started losing my appetite and whatever food that I ate came out instantly. The more I drank alcohol, the more I could feel my body getting weaker. This was when I knew that this is not how I should waste my life away. I decided that there was more to my life than just having sleepless nights drinking my life away. At this point in time, I knew that I needed to love myself more and I needed to let go of the hurt.
Getting back on my feet
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It was not easy but here are some ways that helped me get back on my feet:
#1 Create a support network
Share with your friends or your loved ones what you have been through. Confide in them and do not bottle everything up.
#2 Pick up a new hobby
I decided to detox from alcohol, focusing my time on healthy activities such as picking up Muay Thai. It kept my mind away from unhappy thoughts and exercising cheered me up.
#3 Take some time off
I took some time away for myself to travel, to learn more about myself, to pamper myself and most importantly to embrace who I am and to love myself once again.
It took me many years of healing and recovery to be where I am now - happy, confident & kind to my body. It might be different for everyone but I hope this article encourages you to look forward to the light at the end of the tunnel.
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Text by: GirlStyle SG
