"Is He Trying To Be Funny With Me?" How do you know? All-You-Need Prep Talk For Young Young Adults
Asking for sex is not as uncommon as it used to be. In fact, this could be an everyday teenage struggle that some experience wayyyy too premature. Well, if you're already active and you don't care. Fine...!
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Fact #1: Everyone wants to have sex.
There's a reason why it appears at the bottom of Maslow's hierarchy theory of needs. It's almost more than a need than a want. So don't fret if you begin to realise some bodily changes, reactions or impulses when it comes to attraction, sexual and etc. It is normal. You do need to be aware of some facts if your parents don't sit you down to talk about it.
Photo from Simply Psychology
Fact #2: If you're single, he's single. He's trying to develop a relationship if he finds you attractive.
Be it platonic friendships or more than that, he's gonna want to find out more about you. And keep things natural. How to not be nervous? My way: Imagine him as a potato and everyone else as a potato. You are just talking to a good-looking potato, he's overall a potato. Why be nervous when he's just a potato..?
How Do You Know If A Guy Is Trying?
If he doesn't straight up tell you that he's horny, here's some common tactics:
- Test Water/Sexting Initiation
Photo from The cordHe calls you sexy and he checks out your boobs and your ass.
He makes it a point to tell you that no one else is home.
He jokes about sex and says he's just kidding. He's not. He's testing your reaction.
Wayy more subtle hints are
"Don't you think I'm cute... " No.
"What's that thing...." No.
"What's your size..." No. - Physical Touch Advances
Photo from Were Blog
It is one thing to say "My love language is physical touch" and it is not to be confused with over touching. What is too much?? Well, when he goes under your shirt that's for one. When he 'accidentally' bump into your assets too many times. When he asks you to sit on his lap or come into close proximity that is beyond your comfort. Voice out.
- When a guy invites you to his house (for whatever reason like he needs to take his umbrella even)
Photo from Wikihow
Hardly a guy would ask you that for no reason. Well, money is never really the true issue. It's a must to reject the first few times (at least 5 times!) Say, "Thank you for inviting me. But no I am not comfortable." If this person should not be asking you at all, say "I don't think that question is appropriate." Walk away. Like bargaining, you may end up with a real deal of a respectful relationship when you do this.
- Finding Quiet Places To Bring You
Photo from firststopsingapore
Always be mindful of your environment. If he's bringing you to playground, staircases, empty rooms for some touchy time, he's most likely not that into you. He's into that one thing that might lead to another real quick.
How to respond?
Well, Is this someone you are interested in?
- If No, HECK NO.
- If Yes, then think, is it time yet? Are you both in a mutually committed relationship? Is he safe? Is he clean? You never know until it's too late so wait a little longer.
- You're interested in having sex with him but you don't know if you really really want to?
Most likely, your body is speaking when you think you want to have sex. If you really want to, nothing can stop you. Just, activate your brain when your body is taking over - Everyone is having sex... So I guess it's okay?
Hmm... No. Other people don't matter. It is you. Protect yourself and think of what your parents taught you. - I already had sex with someone, so it doesn't matter anyway.
It still does FYI.Be aware and be cautious at all times. Avoid multiple sex partners for health and hygiene reasons.
- Is this someone that you rejected multiple times but he is still bugging you and you don't know what to do?
If it is uncomfortable or even threatening your safety, talk to a friend, school or your neighbours. Ask for help. - You are with someone now and you might want to have sex with in the future, just not now.
You need to know him more and buy yourself more time. There is no need to please him. Play the dignity card. It pays more to think with your brain now than your body. Say "Thank you for asking, but no, I don't want to have sex until I know you even better."
Some Fit-All Solutions
via GIPHY
1. Establish Boundaries
Instead of avoiding, openly talk about it. Talk about sex with your partner. Establish and draw the lines for safety. What is okay with you and what is not.
2. Do not affirm. Do not look away.
If there's a body language that screams out a tigress scratch, that would be staring him in the eyes and saying no. Regardless of what he says. Now, you have to be firm and non-touchy at this point. You dont want him to misinterpret it as a turn-on. You can say “Thank you for asking, but no, I don't want to have sex until I know you even better.”
3. Always Bring-A-Friend
There is always safety when you bring a friend along. Even if the other party protests, guilt-traps you, threatens you. Always bring someone else when you are not comfortable!
All in for some serious girl power and #girlsquad.
Text by: Girlsdaily SG
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