Personal Story: She Grappled With Mental Issues And Triumphed~ Miss Universe Singapore Hopeful Speaks
Meet Miss Lim Lishan, one of the Miss Universe Singapore 2018 hopefuls.
In a candid chat with her, she shares her story with us, how she battled with depression and an eating disorder
Her sweet, girlish exterior conceals a deep strength that resonates from within her.
Just by looking at her, it is impossible to tell that this lovely lady had been grappling with mental issues for a long time. Since she was 11 years old, to be precise.
The battle has not been an uphill task, yet this lady has fought through tough times to get to where she is today.
In our chat, she has chosen to raise awareness of mental illness, particularly eating disorders and depression as she has had first hand experience.
She wants to banish the countless misconceptions and stigmas attached
to mental illness, so that fellow sufferers can get the help they need.
She wants to share her struggles with the public openly, to create a greater awareness. She wants people to know they are not alone and not to be afraid to get help, before it leads to more dire consequences.
In primary school, she was depressed due to academic stress despite being in the best class in primary school. People called her 'fat' and it led to her dangerous eating disorder.
Self destructive behaviours extended to cutting and binge eating in junior college, especially after a major breakup.
Even till today, she admits that she still struggles with self harm, emotional eating and disordered thoughts.
The key to her recovery? Friends with similar experiences and who were willing to listen to her. Of course, her supportive boyfriend and psychologist were key players in her road to recovery.
Lishan dedicates her time to helping others as it helps her get through her issues too.
Through her personal yoga journey and therapist, she has also been equipped with a lot more coping strategies and mindfulness techniques that has been helped her stay alive till today.
The key to recovery? Self belief. She stressed on the importance of self-help. In order to heal, one needs to help themselves, and not so much external factors. Strength comes from within and it can be a lifelong struggle.
So why did she decide to take part in Miss Universe Singapore this year?
" I can share my personal stories that allow the shame and secrecy that surrounds mental illness to be reduced. I believe my stories of perseverance despite battling with bulimia and depression will allow those who are struggling to feel that they are not alone and to find their way to recover."
Lishan discovered her passion for Yoga 5 years ago, and it was a definitive moment in her life. That was her turning point.
For her, Yoga is a practice of self realisation and union of mind, body and spirit.
She eventually turned this passion into her job. She has been teaching yoga for almost 3.5 years now.
People think mental illness is something straightforward. You take medication, you seek treatment and then you "are ok". But for Lishan, she recognises that this often is not the case.
"Recovery is always ongoing and not linear: my mum thought I was recovered already -people with mental illnesses can hide it very well, they can still be highly functioning and you can't tell if someone has an eating disorder from the way they look."
This is true. We couldn't tell just by looking at this gorgeous lady.
She often gets comments like "but you are not skinny what".
This is the frustration she faces when she realises that such comments are perhaps it is due to a lack of understanding of her condition.
The recovery process is a tedious and trying one.
To Lishan, having the money and courage to seek help is not so simple. You have to keep repeating your traumatic stories to the health providers.
"As much as people tell you to stay strong and say they'll give you a listening ear, you will keep getting misunderstood and given inappropriate advice because they don't truly understand. And if it were that easy to cure with just "exercising more or eat less", "think positive and just gotta snap out of it" then no one would be having so much trouble."
Her solution? Always get a support group! Have friends who have been through similar predicaments so they can really empathise.
Unfortunately, there are still many people out there who have real problems and yet fear to seek solutions. It is a shame, because the problem gets compounded and becomes worse, since they do not get the help they need.
The trouble with traditional Asian families and our society is the huge stigma placed on people seeking help because of "face" or thinking that it is taboo.
When not checked, the problem can fester and have dire effects in the long term.
Society fears and misunderstands mental illnesses. People become more judgemental and that's when they do not know how to care. Or rather, they prefer not to care or condemn these people instead for their "differences".
Are we Singaporeans too self absorbed or selfish because we are afraid to be stigmatised too if we associate with these people?
Cost can be a huge issue too, as treatments can be very expensive.
Waiting time between treatments can be up to a month. Lishan had to wait 3.5 weeks to see her psychiatrist. Some people could have their conditions severely worsen in that time that might have led to suicide and even death.
"Every session is a couple of hundred dollars and I definitely was not able to afford it myself before graduating and working. Many mental illnesses start young and if parents don't support their child, it's going to be a long journey and lots of needless suffering. If I took antidepressants earlier, I could have saved my health and productivity a lot more."
"Our society is not taught self care. We glorify hustling for long hours and wear it like a badge of honour. We don't know how to handle emotions and deem them as bad, while they are a part of life. We don't know how to handle difficult thoughts and are so judgemental and critical to our selves and others."
Very well said indeed.
Travelling, was one of the ways which helped Lishan to grow and to heal. Her trip to Mongolia taught her many things too.
She started to feel more connected to nature and forged solid relationships with her travel buddies.
During the stays with the nomads in Mongolia, she fell in love with their lifestyle as she felt their lifestyle offered a more balanced existence with nature. (as compared to Singapore)
"We live a fast paced stressful lifestyle cut away from nature and source and don't prioritise me time. Our living conditions are isolating and social media leads to worse insecurity and social comparison. I think being a best friend to ourselves is crucial."
Her advice for people who are suffering?
People need to understand that recovery is not so straight forward and not such a simple process, but she feels that one should never give up.
The journey might be arduous. There are days when you might get better, yet days when there is always a chance of lapsing back into addictive behaviours.
So what are great and healthier coping mechanisms instead?
This is her advice:
"I eat healthy, keep active daily and get sunshine, take supplements, tried detox retreats, hypnotherapy, psychotherapy, many healers, but still struggle. Sometimes you may really need medication to help because it's a brain chemistry issue I'm struggling with. I have a lack of serotonin. "
People only see the exciting highlights of her life on social media and they don't seem to understand why she suffers from depression and an eating disorder.
The usual comments include, "But you are slim" "You look like you're having a great time" "You're so lucky to do what you love" "Aren't you a yoga teacher"...
To Lishan, she feels the public needs to know this.
"Don't pretend to be an expert if you're not. It just makes you look stupid and your words might hurt others or mislead them. When you say you will give a listening ear, learn how to truly be a good listener. Don't make empty promises; you don't know if you're the only hope someone suffering is clinging on to."
She feels that people need to ask questions beyond " Are you ok" and not just accepting "okay" as an answer.
"Be nice to strangers. You never know if they're having a terrible day mentally spiralling into despair and your smile or kind touch can help them change their decision to end their life."
Very wise and inspiration words indeed. We love how Lishan uses adversity and her struggles to create something beautiful and uplifting.
For all the suffering souls out there, know that you are not alone in your struggles. There are so many people who might be facing a similar predicament to you.
For everyone else, you never know if the person beside you could be suicidal or in great pain. Always be kind to strangers, you never know the impact you could have on someone's life!
Text By: Girlstyle SG
