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Positive Psychology You Need To Get Out Of The Shattering 'We-Broke-Up' Pain

Positive Psychology You Need To Get Out Of The Shattering 'We-Broke-Up' Pain

Lifestyle Relationship
By christinelai on 23 Jul 2018

At every single heartbreaking split, your thoughts will drive you nuts, the pain is overbearing. It can be hard to fall asleep at night or to even find the energy to wake up or grab a bite.  There is no ending to painful triggers. Everywhere you go, there are memories of him. 'He used to...', 'We were...' And the regrets. It's killing you.

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Love cannot be stopped. Like Energy, it can neither be created nor destroyed. It only changes from one form to another. Instead of loving him, what does it mean to love me? 

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Face The Pain Of Separation
Don't underestimate your pain. Don't discount it, don't brush it off. Maybe you used to text all day, all-the-time. But poof, it's gone. When problems arise, he is the first person you think of, you want to tell him everything including this pain. Realise that this person is no longer there. It's a shell, a phantom of an old memory. The condition of how this relationship started or is based on is now revoked.
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There is no more expectations and obligation. You are now two separate beings. Attune your willpower and thoughts to separate 'I' from the old 'we'. Regardless of how you feel or how you think he feels, it is now 2 separate teams.

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Don't Send The 'I Miss You' Text
It is extremely tempting to send the 'I Miss You' text especially when you're sure he's not over you too. You count the risk and think. 'Why not? Afterall, I already lost him, what can be worse?" But think again, now your dignity, reputation is on the line if you send this text. What if the basis of this break-up was that you forgot how is it like to love yourself? As such, he stopped loving you too. Remember that yes, you have standards too and you will learn self-love.

 

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Send The 'I-miss-you' Message To Yourself.
Find yourself again. You will surely miss him but you don't have to tell him that. Instead, cling onto your girlfriends and family to fill up your need for companionship. Transfer the love to people who are more deserving.

A Supportive Community
Find value in people who really care for you. Even if you don't see it, there are people who genuinely care for you. Maybe what you need is to be more vulnerable to your family, friends or even a social worker. A guideline is this, the man you choose should love you more than your family and friends.

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Remember Why It Didn't Work Out
You replay the good memories over and over and sadly, forget the bad during a breakup. I call it regrets. And when things are cruising well, you forget the good and amplify the bad. I call them shadows. It's human nature yet the reverse is true. We need to remember the good in dating and remember the bad during a breakup.

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Remember why it didn't work out. For example, affections are important, common values are important. It shouldn't be forgotten because you are going through the pain of a split. You have to know your standards and find a middle reasonable ground when you process conflict management.

Face The Embarrassment
One of the hardest hurdles is to delink your Facebook relationship status and announce to the world that you both are done, it's passé. It is gonna be awkward, it's gonna be the talk of the town but it will be okay. People will be more sensitive to what is happening and you can avoid the questions or just choose to be isolated for a while for healing to take place. At some point, everyone will understand and it's really, one of the first few steps to complete liberation.

 

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Find Your Own Hobbies
Instead of trying to get him back, build on your own life. Do you enjoy cooking? Have you been wanting to learn coffee making, oil pour canvas, painting, piano lesson? Learn to do some activities alone or grab your friends along. Join a new community or maybe even find a faith. You will find a source of strength when you step into the courage zone and learn independence when you learn to love yourself.

Take some time to look pretty again? 
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Find a self-help book or start journalling?

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Attempt to learn a new skill?
There are plenty of classes available. Just sign up and show up. Plus, you can restart and make new friends, nobody knows your past. You ex might get jealous when he sees how happy you are now and how fulfilled life is for you. When you pursue a new hobby and make new friends, you will surely be in the company of like-minded.

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Trust me, a few months down all the tiny victories will show. Only when you become your own victor that you can eventually love someone else and be embraced for you who are. Respect is earned and first, love yourself.

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Your eventual relationship goal is to pick the best catch for yourself and until then, no compromises.

Picture Credit: Pinterest
Text By: Girlsdaily SG